7.43am  Tuesday 26 August

         After QR, feeling rather indecisive on what I wanted to do next…. The vision has not fully recovered. The bad bout of giddiness n overall body ache due to crabs eating a few days ago still lingers; The clavicle lymphedema persists. That causes the pain in the left shoulder n arm to be frequent. When the pain occurs, heat patch n hot water bottle do help…. 

         Come to think of it, the lack of self-control over diet n habitual indulgence is the main cause…. Those days of eating less of fried food n more of so called ‘healthy’ diet are numbered…And the love of on line dramas n movies took a chunk of the time…not paying any attention to the tiredness of the eyes n the  needs for outdoor activities…. Always succumbed to “ I need more rest…” defense mechanism 😝🤪🥵😢😪🥲.

        Time for breakfast n medications…….

 7.28am Wednesday 06 August 2025

Alhamdulillah I am allowed to cross the threshold of 74 on 03.08.2025. There used to be the uncertainty before that due to the recurrence n the problems of Lymphaderma clavicle , the repetitive body aches, the blurring eye sight due to bad bout of conjunctivitis…… Daughter’s loving n tireless care is the key contributing factor to the positive outcome. Ya Allah Ya Rabb please bless her with the best of everything dunia n akhirat. Ameen YRA …..

I have been telling myself that  I will go on fighting against my complacency n pray hard that The Almighty will grant me more time with my loved ones…Ameen YRA 

 7.26am  Sunday  20 July 2025

Syukur Alhamdulillah, the pain in the left shoulder which started around 5.30am in the Brown room is under control after daughter put a heat patch on the back of the shoulder.

The excruciating pain is rather frightening…. It is definitely beyond 10….  After the Lymphoderma Clavical developed after the left armpit surgery in mid 2024, I did experienced the pain in the left shoulder a few times but they were never this bad…. 

On Friday 18 July, Dr. Alwiyah did examined me during my visit to the Daycare after I told her about the problem…. She asked me to wait for the CT Scan result scheduled for 29 July 2025…. Ya Allah Ya Rabb please show me the way to manage this problem… Ameen YRA.

7.45am…better go get some breakfast n later the medicines n supplements…..****** . After that go walkabout in the yard. I am sure the 6.20am long awaited shower must have rendered much cooler atmosphere.☺️😀🐰🐰

 8.38pm 15 July 2025

I am back. 

With vision impaied by bad conjunctivitis, finding it rather uncomfortable looking at the screen.. Though the redness almost gone, the vision is rather blurry……

Where do I begin to tell the story…… 27 June, giddiness n nauseating feeling got me to the Emergency Department ,HBP. Daughter drove me there around 9pm. After HA took down my particulars in Q & A session, ECG taken. Saw Dr. Syed whom I thought was an Indian. Q & A again. Physical examination followed by blood sample taking.. After that brought to a waiting room. Told to lie down n sleep while waiting for the blood test result. 2am 28.July, Dr.Azhar told Irma n I that all test results are good, my heart, kidney n other vital organs are in good condition. The giddiness n nauseating feeling most likely due to my gastric problem… He prescribed medicines n we took them at the Emergency Pharmacy

2.30am homeward bound. Stopped at FamilyMart, Taman U….Daughter went for some stuffs. I gave some money. Feeling weird waiting in the car. Arrived home around 3.30am. Changed clothes, washed up n went to bed….

A few days later, my left eye turned red. Did not think too much about it… Went to the GP n got medicine for it. It got worst. Went back to the GP again n was told to go see eye specialist after more medication n RM77 …. Daughter googled for eye specialist . Decided to go to BP instead of Kluang. On 12 July we went to  Accuvission  n saw Dr.Sai… For RM230, I came away with 3 types of eye drops after several eye examination n a followup on Wednesday 16 July 2025

Diligently , daughter has been helping to apply the eye drops till today. The redness almost gone but the vision not so good… So will see what Dr.Sai says tomorrow. Bismillahirahmanirahim, let it be good, Ameen.

 Wednesday 01 January 2025 11.27am

Syukur Alhamdulillah

Most grateful to the Al- Almighty for the chance to go on making a new entry in 2025. The year 2024 was most challenging in many aspects… Even to the last day, Tuesday 31.12.2024….. Practically the whole day was spent in Sultanah Nora Hospital….Left home after Subuh n arrived home around 4.30pm….Exhausted beyond words……After bath, a light lunch n off to the comfort of my bed…. Turned on Netflix show but could not remember what it was…. My sleep was interrupted at 7.20pm, 1.30 am but I got up at 4.45am…. This has never happened before…..😛😜🤪

The nightmare started in early January 2024….Hubby’s name was cited in a land dispute between K, Defendant 1 n F the Plaintiff. Hubby was accused by Plaintiff of having no right to sell the land to F…The 1st lawyer P that we engaged has no work integrity…. Late for his 1st appointment with us….when he finally turned up with his wife n children, he offered no apology…..took his time to sit with us…😡😡😡. When asked how he was going to handle the case, appeared clueless but quick to name his price, RM20K.. Open fail fee was RM500.

We wrote to the court for a postponement to fail our case, as, we needed time to engage a new lawyer. Request was granted. The next lawyer A we saw could not represent hubby because she was  the witness in an agreement that hubby signed in 2009. The agreement by the way is the proof that hubby has the right to sell the land. So lawyer A suggested that she introduced hubby to her lawyer  friend…..F2. Lawyer A made us paid her RM3K n subsequently RM5K….

One day Lawyer F2 called hubby n we met….We found out Lawyer A only transferred RM5K to Lawyer F2 n kept RM3K to herself…..We were taken aback but we were thankful that Layer F2 decided to absolved the RM3K…..So working with Lawyer F2 has been a pleasant experience…. She knew exactly what to do n respected our ideas n decisions. Daughter n I provided the necessary documents n infos while hubby helps where ever possible…. 

We were braving the suit as best as  we could, when suddenly, Defendant 1,k whom we have been helping by providing documents , info n advice, dropped a bom shell on hubby by citing him as the 3rd party.. which means if ever K lost his case Hubby is required to pay his monetary fine…. This turn of event just goes to show that where money is concerned, no one can be trusted….However, I believe in akhirat n the justice….

On 28 November 2024, an out of court  settlement was arrived at. The settlement is actually between K n F n Hubby was not involved at all…. After all the hustle , anxiety n stress hubby is not guilty of any wrong doing …Yet we had to spend RM30K for lawyer’s fees…..Our daughter kept pacifying us . She said let’s not think about the monetary loss, just think about the peace we will have in 2025… Inn Sya Allah.

Besides this stressful experience , I have another on going  battle against the recurring cancer to fight….Hubby’s n daughter’s tireless support cheer me on.  8 cycles of oral chemo since June 2024, left my feet n hands so dry n painful, my eyes itchy n blur, feely sore all over . Anyway, syukur Alhamdulillah, on 31. December 2024, my CT Scan result showed  that the C cells have been contained…. For now I need to recover from the oral chemo side effects…. Make myself healthy for the reunion of 9 siblings this coming Chinese New Year…. Inn Sya Allah…

Found My Way Back Again

 09.07.2024/ 03. Muharam 1446H

Alhamdulillah finally , by trial n error, got here.

Where do I begin…… Syukur Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah SWT for the mercy, compassion n ever forgiving. 

I continue to seek Your guidance n forgiveness for the on going struggle in wanting to go on living with my loved ones. 

I thank You for making it possible for Yellow Butterfly to fly home on 27 July 2024 after the passing of her loved one… Please let it be a safe journey for her…..

Daughter  n I need to work hard on the schedule juggling among all the on going events to be able to meet up with Yellow  Butterfly. Ya Allah Ya Rab please show us the best n safe way… Ameem YRA.

6.16pm…. Back again after saying my solat, praying for the best for myself, my loved ones n mankind…. In my present condition, I have to try hard to make peace with every stressor that gets my way….. Tighten, loosen, pull, push…. Not really knowing what is the limit to every attempt….🥹🥹 But I do know that, every attempt will begins with Bismillahirahmanirahim and  Inn Sya Allah……And ending with Alhamdulillah….

Since April this year, daughter helps to modify my lifestyle. By installing  an iPad stand beside my bed, she made sure that I enjoy my dramas, movies lying down with elevated feet…. Yes, the change saw the stubborn swelling in both feet disappear …. The swelling that the doctors were not successful in treating..They tested my heart, my kidney but declared that those organs have nothing to do with the swelling….Alhamdulillah one small battle won….🤲🏻

Taking another break….🥰🐰🦁

 11.29pm Ahad 31.12.2023

Farewell 2023 and welcome 2024

How to start describing the year 2023 ? From one hospital TCA to another, life goes on. Keeping journal helps to keep track of all the continueos attempts to keep on living....the endless medical investigations, the surgery, drugs n treatments..... I am being tested on one hand and  blessed on the other.... 

I am being tested with the 2 years recurrence the big CI am blessed with a loving family.... A God send daughter who takes great care of me n hubby and our 34 strong fleet of bulus....

12.00am 01.01.2024

Hello 2024. Syukur Alhamdulillah. With Allah grace I am able to be breathing this moment, this second n this minute in this new year. Feeling happy, geateful but sad... 

All the bright light, firework n cheering in of the new year in most cities all over the world cannot lessen the anger and sadness  felt over the 22 K death toll in Palestine n the on going destruction n slaughter of the helpless.... Ya Allah Ya Rabb please bring forth Your promise in the Ayat 7 Surah 17 Al-Israk.... Ameen YRA....

Òn the home front, I pray for good health, happiness, rezeki n longevity for all my loved ones. May Allah SWT bless us all with His Nùr n Hidayah always... Ameen YRA.